So a while ago I wrote about how I couldn’t handle going out anymore. It’s not that I can’t handle drinking. I just struggle to enjoy going ‘out out’ because of everything that comes with it- excited teenagers, arsehole club staff, bouncers, £18 for a double, dance moves I’m too old to do. The list goes on.
Obviously though I still drink. It’s becoming less and less often, but I still drink and every single time I get a hangover I feel more and more old. I wake up feeling bad, waste the morning in bed and then think of ways to punish myself for it. “I’ll just change the bedding and hoover and eat some fruit. Oh no dear God I can’t because someone’s attacking my skull with an axe.” Back to bed.
I had a friend who recently said he had a three day hangover. Went out on Friday, drank a fairly standard normal amount, and still felt bad on Monday morning. Extreme, but I know what he means. For example I had three glasses of wine last night (while dressed as a fish), small ones may I add, and today I feel sick, a bit dizzy and will probably waste several hours in bed rolling around in a state of undress and misery. A few years ago I could drink a bottle of Port and then go for a run in the morning.
They just keep getting worse. But now I’m like, pretty much an adult at the age of 25, my hangovers have to happen while I do adult things. Like, life has to go on, thumping headache or not, you got things to do, you gotta do them.
My favourite is the hungover Sunday food shop. I’ve done this many times. I force myself to go (punishment) and then come Tuesday I’m struggling to make a meal out of pasta, Pringles and salsa. But at least your hydration will be well catered for.
My friend whatsapped me a photo of a Fanta, water and coffee that she was drinking at the same time a couple of weekends back. I feel her pain. Right now all I want is to put my head under a cold tap. If i could fit in the kitchen sink I would just lay there. All the liquid, all the salt, all the carbs.
Before Christmas I went festive shopping and then to review an event, both planned activities that had to happen, but I had to do them on a hangover. I thought I could handle it and go to Christmas drinks the night before. The next day I was sat in McDonald’s with my friend, a bag of Boots toiletries, new pillowcases, some socks and a chicken legend meal. It was hard.
I tried to hoover when hungover once. I don’t think I need to go into detail.
Adulting while hungover is not a joy. It’s not fun and now it’s time to accept that if you’re going to go big, all your chores and life tasks must be complete so you can stay in a duvet fort while you order several meals on Deliveroo. Oh life, you funny little thing you.
Someone get me some salted Kettle chips. Urgently.