I’ve made loads of pointless resolutions before that make me hate myself a bit for wasting my own time. Not even the usual weight loss, healthier living, better diet, habit changing kinds. I’ve made ridiculous, completely out of reach ones. ‘Don’t get so drunk it causes hangovers’ was a fave from 2013. Safe to say that lasted about 36 hours and here I still am trying to work out why we drink at all while wondering when I’ll next be having a gin. Waste of time. Waste of a resolution. My internal secretary won’t be scheduling any of that crap for the start of 2016.
Last year I don’t think I bothered beyond ‘eat more green vegetables’ which actually, I think I’ve done- massive respect to myself. I do actually have some resolutions for 2016 which I’m excited to not keep, but i do think the more stupid and slightly meh they are, the more likely they’ll stick.
1) Get more than one haircut. I currently look like Tarzan in ankle boots.
2) Don’t talk to myself on the tube.
3) Don’t let coffee go cold then take a mouthful and almost vomit. Currently a weekly occurrence in the workplace.
4) Learn what the correct amount of pasta for one person is.
5) Learn how to pipe icing so I can make cakes that bring people to tears and make them think I am a baking sorcerer.
6) Stop assuming a sports bra is unnecessary at the gym.
7) Be more positive about cats.
8) Stop staring at my phone screen EVERY night before bed and then laying awake wondering why I’m seeing white dots when I blink.
9) Learn about pensions.
Not the most exciting. Not the most life changing. Also you might laugh at pensions but I’ll be the one laughing when I’m 70 years old on a beach in St Lucia. And these Definitely are not particularly challenging. It shouldn’t get to the point in life that you have to promise yourself that 2016 will be the year you talk less to yourself in public, but that’s where I’m at with life.
Gonna now go and get my dog in from the garden as she seems to be trying to upturn a stone Buddha.