I was meant to spend this Sunday merrily wandering around in the sunshine with my friend but instead I’m in bed feeling vile. The only saviour is the fact I found a Callipo in the freezer and had time to catch up on stuff I can do without moving (laying, napping, rolling around in blankets). Also writing this. From bed. Hiya.
I’m also a teeny tiny bit happy to be lounging in bed because I’m so SO tired. Tired mostly from adjusting to a new job and a new routine. Change is one of those things that’s ultimately good for us. It might not always come about because of the best circumstances but it certainly proves who we are. Getting your head around change is hard and exhausting.
My early twenties have been full of change. Life seems to be ever-evolving and turning direction and while it’s never taken me somewhere I don’t want to be, it’s been a tiring ride.
Turning 21 and leaving uni feels like it happened to someone else. It feels like something that took place so long ago it can’t be my memory. Yet at the same time running around Kingston-Upon-Thames drunk on port and visiting the river late at night to watch the swans feels like five minutes ago. Time is weird. I’d kinda like time to slow down. It’s only being able to have a day of doing nothing that’s given me time to reflect on how much has changed.
Relationships have changed, homes have changed, life goals, career paths, friendship groups, hobbies and even food I like. It’s all changed. Some for the better and some maybe for the better, I’m not entirely clear on everything but who is?
This period of life, my early twenties (now mid-twenties I guess JESUS WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN) must be the same for almost everyone. Its like you haven’t quite found a clothes size that fits you perfectly because you keep fluctuating, but you feel like pretty soon that will stop and you’ll find a good fit. The not fitting quite right into anything period hasn’t been a bad one at all. Youth is wasted on the young, they’re right about that. I’ve had a ball of a time in the last five years and haven’t appreciated it enough. It’s been a surreal, hormonal, happy, sad, exciting, hard, confusing, tipsy and candle-burning at both ends time.
I’ve learnt the most about myself and the most about life by taking on changes and just rolling with it. Not knowing what the hell is happening around you is a good test of how well you deal with shit. I’m now glad for the instability and the financial recklessness and the adventurous travels. I’m glad I tested myself and I’m glad I am where I am at 25. I’d like to personally thank the challenge of change for shaping me and most people I know into fun, hilarious, cheerful and kind people. THANKS FOR THAT.
I’m going to go listen to Roll Deep or something and think about 2009.