The 10 best things I’ve witnessed in London recently

Instagram credit to my boyfriend @dannyboyjnr who is much better than me at photo things

Because London is fabulous and ridiculous and sometimes completely outrageous.

1) A family of brave tourists riding the district line attempting to get to Victoria. They were going the wrong way so asked for directions and were told to exit the tube and cross over platforms. Only one member of the group got off. Only one got off at the next station. I got off after having watched the remaining few try to halt the train by pressing the door buttons in a tunnel. I assume they are still on the District line trying to phone each other somewhere near Upminster.

2) A man riding a penny farthing through a park in Fulham at 8:30pm with his pug trotting along beside him, because being individual is important.

3) A woman putting frozen peas on top of an ice cream. Yep.

4) A very tiny elderly lady posing like a supermodel in front of some scaffolding while various relatives took photos. I assume scaffolding improves with a nice Insta filter.

5) A woman in a very sharp suit buying lunch in Sainsburys, looking like she means absolute business and business only….except she was wearing a necklace with a large plastic vagina pendant. Casual as you like.

6) A man strolling through Paddington Central wearing a kind of prison jumpsuit chic outfit accessorised  with a live hawk on his shoulder.

7) Man with live hawk going to into Sainsburys, being asked to leave, looking bewildered as to why.

8) Three men in suits with their cute little cabin suitcases waiting for the Heathrow Express all holding bright red pitchforks. They were either going on a formal yet sadistic stag do or were en-route to a meeting in Hell. Either way, full points to them for making the most of a boring Tuesday.

9) A man completely alone just after Midnight near Hammersmith bridge, wearing gym gear and doing some kind of erratic, extremely fast paced aerobics OR interpretive dance where he thought no one could see him. He thought wrong.

10) A man walking his pet peacock in Parsons Green. Because Parson Green.

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