So being completely addicted to social media isn’t a new thing. Thousands of people are more interested in their notifications than they are what’s happening around them (aren’t we awful?) but we just can’t help it. It’s so accessible. It’s on our phones. It’s always there. Everyday. Even in the dead of night when you wake up because foxes are doing worrying things outside.
I think a lot of people could use a social media/iPhone retreat and do other things like stretches and drink fresh juice instead of staring at a screen like a zombie. Me included. Maybe that’s how I’ll make my fortune.
1) You eat food that is photogenic at least once a day.
2) You rate your experiences on how many retweets they’ll get rather than how much you enjoyed them.
3) You use the Amaro filter as your foundation. It’s happened. Make up has gone virtual.
4) you Entirely rely on Facebook to inform you when everyone dear to you was born.
5) You communicate heavily via Whatsapp groups and share every third thought you have with the appropriate group. You never know when someone might have a comment/something to add/ be at home hungover and fancy an insight into your time in Sainsbury’s.
6) Become jealous of the holidays of people you have never and will never meet.
7) communicate frustration/dislike/disbelief/hatred with the power of a screenshot alone. You don’t need words when you got pictures.
8) Develop a dislike of avocado because it’s more popular and has more fans than you ever will.
9) You hold your phone at pretty much all times because YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN. A cute puppy on the tube, a sexy piece of latte art, a ridiculous comment from a stranger. You’re poised to share at all times.
10) Take a photo of your face every time you look good just to prove it happened and in case you need some ego boosting from the Instagram community.
11) Follow people you don’t like because you find it highly enjoyable and like to compare your life to theirs to see who did better after school. Priorities.
12) Moan about everything via tweet in the eternal hope of a freebie.
13) You wake up in the morning and reach for your phone which is of course placed next to your bed and begin the days scrolling.
14) Get angry over nothing, because nothing new has happened since you last refreshed all of your apps 45 seconds ago.
15) Forget if you’ve ever actually met people you regularly chat to on Twitter.
16) Remind yourself that social media can’t control your mood, because it doesn’t control your life. Lets step away from the iPhone and breathe deeply.