Your mid-twenties are a bit of a weird time. You either aren’t where you thought you would be, or you are and you now want something else. Or you just have absolutely no idea about anything but things seem okay so you keep going with the flow (me) and hope for the best. Whatever your general feels are, you probably at some point have felt like you’re wandering in no general direction- it can’t just be me that constantly feels this way. (This is where I look for reassuring nods and shouts of OMG YEAH ME TOO.
It doesn’t apply to everything in life. I think you can have some aspects totally sorted, like having a good job that you like, or living somewhere you can see yourself staying, or being in a steady relationship, and still feel like you are aimlessly sauntering along, spending too much money on meal deals and communicating with people mostly via emoji. I mean, I quite enjoy a good WhatsApp conversation with my nearest and dearest using mostly sassy pink emoji girl and the happy poo, it’s 2015 after all.
I started to mildly panic at the start of this year that my life was okay, and there wasn’t one big thing that needed fixing, but that I had no direction. I think there was probably an evening where I laid in bed eating a 3500 calorie pick and mix from Wilkos while silently asking myself questions like WHERE? WHY? HOW? WHAT NEXT? Well I have no earthly idea tbh. I did throw together some sort of vague plan for the end of the year which I am sticking to- moving and saving, but that’s it. The wandering will continue until then, during this time and most probably after.
Despite having plans to aim for, I still have quite a big sketchy question mark that sort of floats around over my head like I’m a Sim. A Sim who’s being made to play chess to improve their skills and get promoted but they just don’t know why, and quite frankly, they don’t want to. I always thought my poor Sims would tell me to fuck off regularly if they could. Particularly Mortimer Goth. Anyway, Sims and question marks aside, it’s not all bad is it, this wandering business? If feels a bit daunting sometimes remembering how long ago you were a student, how long ago you were a teenager, how long ago you were at school and just how insanely fast life seems to be going. But still, it’s not so bad. The going away when you want, not knowing where you’ll be six months down the line, going travelling because you want to, applying to work abroad because you want to. Unsettled maybe, but it’s definitely not boring, and thank God for that.
So it might be a good idea if we just wander as much as we can, because looking back on the last few years, I’ve had a ball for the most part, and it’s all come about because I have pretty much just done things on a whim. I wish I could stop having waves of worry over my life and turning to binge eating and watching people fail at things on youtube (basically therapy). I think most people will come over a bit panic-ridden and need a lie down with Bridesmaids and Cadbury’s finest selection from time to time, because getting older IS SCARY. But the thing about getting older is, you’re getting older (it’s science you see) and we might not be able to wander and be free as much in the future (let’s face it, we won’t). So let’s just take advantage of not knowing what the hell will be happening in our lives in 12 months. It might lead to really amazing stuff like travels, a whole new career, maybe even a puppy if you’re REALLY fortunate. Or maybe you’ll like, get married, have a baby, get a house and start doing real food shopping (no one panic, booking a holiday to Thailand and changing your bedroom colour scheme works too.)
Just because we’re wandering, doesn’t mean we’re lost.