1) You drop your phone. You drop it because you’re tired. You drop it on your face because you’re trying to snooze for the 11th time. You drop it because you’re holding a bag, coffee, work badge and a free newspaper while dodging slow walkers and tourists with 9 suitcases.
2) You question humanity. People breathing into your ear on the tube like dragons, people attempting to get on an already dangerously packed train with a ladder, people shouting gleefully down the phone at 7:30am so everyone in a 5 mile radius knows what they did last night. Shut up. Go away.
3) You pay an obscene amount for a hot drink you could make for free at work. You continually do this, because there is something about holding a cup of hot coffee from a coffee shop and you do not know what it is or why you are that person now.
4) You feel a selection of emotions about your hair. Regret at not brushing it. Regret at not washing it. Smugness about how magnificent you look. Upset about how awful your up-do braid thing has turned out after all the practice you put in. Serious thought into shaving it off because when is it not windy these days?
5) Pizza Express email you about BOGOF pizza or a free dessert.
6) You read an email that makes you roll your eyes so far back into your head that you fear you may have lost them forever.
7) You end up on the Instagram page of someone’s sister’s boyfriend’s friend from uni who recently went away to Bali and oh Bali looks nice, let’s just look that up.
8) You either eat something that makes you feel like an Olympian in training or eat something that makes you feel like you need a nap.
9) There is a brief moment where you stare out of the window and see some birds flying around and a man walking up the road then realise 5 minutes have passed and you’re still half naked.
10) The shower decision. Do I? Don’t I? How late am I already? What exactly do I smell of?
11) Approximately 4 minutes after arriving at work, you know which way the morning will go. Productive or BuzzFeed.
12) You see someone in gym gear and wonder what on earth motivates them and where you can find it.
13) You realise as you sit down at work that you forgot your lunch so immediately begin planning what you will have instead and things get out of hand quickly.
14) Someone has Instagrammed, Tweeted or Facebooked something involving an avacado and you can’t help but be pissed off with it. Avacado saturation is peak.
15) You talk about the same three things with colleagues as everyone trickles into work- transport, food and tiredness.
16) You think about getting back into bed at the end of the day and how much of a good time to be alive it will be.