17 things people in long term relationships know about


1) That word- compromise- It really is EVERYTHING. You kind of get used to it, but having enormous, adult-style strops every so often is acceptable.

2) It is totally possible to communicate feelings with just a look. Anger, being unimpressed, pissed off, STOP DOING THAT IMMEDIATELY. You can say it all with your eyes.

3) Mind games can be applied to get the other person to do the worst chores- changing the bed sheets, cleaning the shower, emptying the vile bin. All is fair in love and domestic war.

4) Humans are capable of making really, REALLY weird noises in their sleep. The longer you sleep next to someone, the bigger the catalog of nasal groans and painful sounding teeth grinding gets.

5) It’s normal to talk in a sort of made up, shortened version of the English language that only the two of you can fully understand.

6) You think back to when you were first seeing each other and realise how hard you tried at everything and how hilarious it was that you ever put that much effort in to going to Nandos and how often you threw around the word picnic.

7) The idea of ‘Tinder’ and ‘dates’ sound utterly terrifying because you are so out of the game and you both watch your single friends and admire their bravery.

8) It is basically mandatory that whenever you go away together you spend most of the time coming up with names for other couples in your hotel. People watching becomes your relationship sport.

9) You reach a point where you can tell something isn’t right just by the position of the other persons eyebrows/mouth.

10) You develop strategies for everything. You never discuss them, but they exist. Finishing off food, making tea, doing washing, splitting the cost of food. Systems are in place and you don’t need a spreadsheet or a weekly meeting for them. They just happen.

11) Using the bathroom simultaneously is not a decision, it’s a necessary survival technique. And joint showers do not always mean sex.

12) You constantly think you know something the other person will like (film, sex, food, sport), and you are absolutely sure they want to try but they just won’t tell you out of stubbornness, so you bring it up, they deny it and you continue thinking it anyway. You probably repeat this process every so often because stability is key.

13) You probably lied or exaggerated greatly about liking something to impress in the early days, and a few years in you are STILL keeping up the lie. Lols.

14)  Relationship osmosis- You end up really liking things your other half (vom) is into and knowing LOADS about them simply by absorbing it from them. Like you sit next to them and information just leaks into you. Life.

15) There are words you use or tones of voice you adopt that you explicitly agree can never be exposed outside of your exclusive club of two.

16) You constantly look for things to pluck, pick or squeeze on the other person. It’s like having your own personal beautician, but not really.

17) Sometimes you stop dead in the middle of a conversation because you realise, much to your horror, that you are morphing into your boyfriend/girlfriend and then you panic and remind yourself that you are still an individual. Hello me, this is me, we are still me etc etc.

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