I turned 25 on Friday. A quarter of a century old. Officially closer to 30 than 20. I could go on but I won’t, don’t worry. So I’m getting on a bit, and I’ve started to notice my list of things I can no longer tolerate is getting bigger. Much bigger.
It started with little things like pre-drinking death cocktails from jugs, but now it’s become so much bigger.
1) REALLY drunk people, in any vacinity (except for festivals, because that’s different).
If I’m drunk too, then it’s fine, it’s more than fine, it’s ideal. However if I’m sober, and they happen to be on my tube carriage or remotely near me, I want to rip my head off. I used to find it funny and film strangers on snapchat (yes I am a creep) but now I just want them to F-off. The screeching, the dribbling, the chanting. Nope.
I used to listen to people who talked about themselves and how amazing life is for them all starry eyed and patient because when you’re not there yet, you sort of look up to it. I mean it’s always been gross, but back when I was a fresh graduate or still a student I listened without wanting to perform martial arts. Now though, JUST SHUT UP. Keep it to yourself mate, because no one cares. It’s a vile trait and I intend on culling brag-tastic arseholes from my life.
3) Dirty kitchens.
What used to be acceptable in a sort of ‘we are young, this is cool, it’s fine to drink vodka from an egg cup’ kinda way, is now just disgusting. Clean your kitchen FFs. And your bathroom for that matter. Poundland sell bleach, so there’s no excuse.
4) waiting for anything.
I wish I was less angry about waiting for stuff (trains, emails, being paid, paying in the supermarket) but I can’t help it. The older I get, the more ‘ain’t nobody got time for that’ vibes I have. I blame the Internet and contactless cards.
5) Lack of ambition.
This is a very new one, but when someone is outright lazy and puts in zero effort to get anywhere in life, I just want to dive in and tell them what to do. I don’t though because I don’t want to be universally hated. But I am SO concerned on the inside.
6) Full weekends.
When will I lay and eat crumpets? When will I not go to the gym but wear my trainers around the house? When will I drink coffee and sit in the kitchen bitching about the neighbours?