Who needs an iPod or a book when you have the dulcet tones of the general public?
1) (on the District line) I’m just at home now, still feeling quite ill. Yeah it’s a bit loud, sorry.
2) My kids are all so good looking, it gives them a real advantage in life and they know it.
3) I have no real purpose, I just wander, like God intended.
4) For reals? Shiiiiiit bruv. That’s deeper than graves.
5) I scuffed the wall and tried to colour it in white, I don’t really know where I would get the paint.
6) Mummy, why are you taller than daddy?
7) It was so warm yesterday my phone got covered in sweat, it was awful. I’ll need to clean it at some point.
8) Simon’s got a pocket watch, did you know about that? Ridiculous.
9) I’m going on holiday tomorrow, so I put my out of office on last night. Screw today. I’m going to kick back and tweet famous arseholes all day.
10) I feel like people don’t eat enough Chewits anymore. Remember those amazing adverts where a dinosaur thing would chew up buildings. So cool. So retro.