I think I know what I want to be doing in a year but I have no idea if it will happen.
I think I should start saving now but how will I pay rent and save and buy food and still go to the pub? Shall I sell ALL of my belongings on eBay? Will anyone buy my pillowcases? Is it too late to start saving? HAVE I RUINED EVERYTHING?
What is the meaning of life?
I don’t really care much about the meaning of life, but should I have a better job by now? And a pet? At what age do people actually gets dogs?
Oh look a baby. Oh god. Babies.
So yeah. Pretty much the thought process that happens in my mind almost daily. I obviously think about other stuff too like work and healthy eating and visiting my family and good pub quiz team names for Sunday night, but everything is just a big jumble.
It’s pretty hard to focus in one thing when there a million different things you want to do and stuff you want to plan to do later. That’s not including the things other people are doing that you see on Instagram, and then wonder if you too should do them even though you aren’t that fussed. Such decision making to be done.
I had a good old grown up chat with my best pals last night about the order we need in our lives to feel calm. We’re all in very different places but we all agree we need to set an order and then follow it, so our heads stop feeling like a messy explosion of money, houses, emotions, vodka, work and smoothies.
I always thought being in my mid-twenties would be a pretty settled, normal, knowing, smooth place to be. The calm before the storm of even more adult things barging in on you. Well it’s not been that sea of calm that I imagined as an 18 year old naively looking into the future and seeing the suburban dream and a puppy with walks at sunset and a tropical holiday every winter. I mean, it’s been bloody grand, I’m not moaning. I was just so wrong.
I’m confused all the time. Like everyday. About everything. I am having more and more moments of clarity, so maybe soon everything will click and suddenly BAM, I’ll have an plan in motion. Or maybe I’ll just go home and have my pre-dinner crumpets and watch The West Wing on Netflix.
I’m pretty much okay with either right now to be honest.