So let me tell you about today. Today I woke up at 9, wearing one sock, a top with a dancing burger on and had a headache the size of the world. Not a good time in my life. I then rolled around in bed groaning, gathered up enough strength to go to my housemates room, then rolled around in her bed groaning. I then sung some Ronan Keating to her because I was definitely still drunk and she seemed to enjoy it.
We then ended up, inevitably, getting a Mcdonalds, because there is nothing on this earth better for a hangover than those salty, skinny chips. Fact. Post-Mcdonalds was not the best time either. The three of us (me, Ella my housemate and my boyfriend) sat in stunned silence for a while contemplating life and trying not to look at the empty wine glasses littered around the room. Oh and we watched a video of a kangaroo being really grumpy while wearing a hoodie.
Hangovers are hard. By 1pm I had gone through a rollercoaster of emotions. Pain, regret, hilarity at nothing, excitement about Mcdonalds, guilt about Mcdonalds, upset about the lingering smell of Mcdonald’s, anger at having wasted half a sunny day holding my head in pain and drinking gallons of squash under various blankets. SO MUCH EMOTIONS.
Now I’m showered, dressed and feeling sort of almost human again I am seriously thinking about pursuing a life without hangovers. Now, I know that a bad hangover and feeling like life as you know it might just end often leads to people claiming they will never drink again, but that is not what I am saying. I bloody love drinking. I love wine and I love getting a bit loud and outrageous listening to Britney circa 2001. It’s a good time all round. HOWEVER. I am sick of hangovers. They are just AWFUL.
I don’t know if this is because I am outgrowing feeling like crap and eating a chicken legend meal in bed half naked while laughing manically at a cushion, but whatever it is, the feeling is strong. I will never give up drinking, but now, from this day, I am going to actively try and avoid hangovers at all costs. Yes, I had a bloody fantastic night last night with my friends, and it was funny and dancey and a nice way to spend a Saturday night, but I just don’t want to spend mornings feeling sorry for myself and asking repeatedly if we have any paracetamol.
When I hear people say they are growing out of drinking, or they don’t get drunk anymore or don’t go out and just don’t really socialise, I think GOD HOW BORING. But you know what, I am so over being hungover. I am so ready to just actually be a responsible drinker like those wise people tell you to on alcohol adverts. I’m over having gaps in my memory and not knowing where my shoes are and finding receipts for a million tequilas. I don’t want to make my life more boring, or less wine filled, I just want to feel like a kind of, sort of, normal halfway adult after a night out with friends, rather than a shell of a human with chapped lips and a mouth as dry as the centre of the sun.
Getting old, yo.