So earlier this week I went on a lunchtime coffee date with some work friends and we ended up talking about the stuff that’s ACTUALLY on our minds, as opposed to what we think we should be thinking about. You know how sometimes you worry that you’re thinking more about buying The Sims to relive your childhood than you are about settling down and starting a family or other really adult things? Well don’t worry, you aren’t alone.
1) When did I last wash my hair?
2) Shall I go travelling? Is it too late? Shall I just do it anyway? Who will come with me? WHERE IS THE NEAREST STA TRAVEL?
3) How much will giving birth actually hurt and will I definitely shit myself during?
4) Am I too old to still take a hip flask to a club and will God judge me if I do it anyway?
5) How do you go about not inviting friends you secretly hate to your wedding that isn’t happening with the fiancee you don’t have?
6) Cheese. A bit in the mornings, a fair amount at lunch time and obsessively during the evenings. Saturdays are good days to think about Cheese solidly because what else are you really going to do?
7) If you don’t get given, lent, or inherit money how do you ACTUALLY buy a house? Are squatters rights an actual thing and if so where is the squatters right to buy scheme?
8) Life without dry shampoo. I mean, imagine.
9) Will a nicer bum bring happiness, prosperity, success and a love and is there an easier way than squats?
10) The amount you fancy your boss, the dentist and the man that sells Sky packages at the tube station can’t be okay. Hormones be real.
11) Are these feelings hormones or am I mentally unstable?
12) Spots were not meant to come with me into my twenties. Who allowed this shit to happen?
13) It’s sad that Blu Ivy has more prospects than me and she’s 3.
14) Why aren’t tampons free?
15) What if I don’t know if I’m a feminist? What if I don’t care?
16) Might cut out my urinary tract. Then we’ll see who’s laughing cystitis, you horrific dickhead.