1) Cystitis. This is number one because it is the struggle of my life, and of so many fellow lady friends. The burning, the pain, the bad timing, the downing pints of water and trying cranberry juice to no avail. I need a wee. No I don’t. Yes I do. It’s horrible. It’s unwelcome. It’s far too real.
2) Tights. Just tights in general. They fall down, they itch, they ladder and you have to hoist them up 10000 times a day when the elastic goes.
3) Periods. Mostly the pains, partly the ‘is there anything on the back of my skirt?” and a bit of the dropping a tampon out of your bag in public and chasing it.
4) Bags. I often get to the stage where finding anything in my bag is like digging for buried treasure. Want 54663 receipts? No problem. Want your oyster card? Dream on.
5) Not being Taylor Swift.
6) Not even being friends with Taylor Swift.
7) Leg shaving. Difficult in the shower. Cba in the bath. Might just grow two vertical forests.
8) The eternal toilet queues. Clubs, bars, festivals, busy restaurants. Want a wee? Join the back of line, it starts in France.
9) Bikinis. Really nice to look at, fun to shop for, ideal for tanning. Keeping everything in them while taking on the sea or jumping in a pool however, not so ideal. Oh and cheeky nipple flashes.
11) Unexpected emotions. Oh that’s a really nice picture of a dog on that poster. I’ll just have a little cry because life and hormones and omg I hate everything.
12) Nail varnish. You paint them, you instantly need a wee.
13) Cellulite. Just why? WHY?
14) sheer tops. Nothing like getting dressed in a hurry and then taking your coat at the office to reveal your skimpy bra and nipples. Hiya.
15) Playsuits. There to make going for a wee 45533 times harder. Oh and navigating them drunk is essentially a Crystal Maze task.