So this week I am flitting around the Scottish highlands having nosebleeds and drinking whiskey from a hip flask. Scotland is incredible. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to come North and be at one with Narnia. I genuinely want to quit my job and wonder around mountains herding goats and having staring competitions with sheep.
However, travelling from London to the Isle of Skye is a long way. Like I mean, it’s SO far my sparkling water stopped sparkling. We were on the road for 14 hours with a one hour stop over at a pub full of taxidermy and swords, so everyone was pretty delirious by the end of it.
There are several things that happen when you spend 14 solid hours in a confined space with friends. Things change from exciting to funny to ‘who am I?’ And back to funny quite rapidly. My favourite three things that happened on this intrepid first leg of the road trip were:
1) going to Asda and spending about £25 on car snacks, covering all basis and even making the snacks applicable to meals. This is all good and well until you pull into a service station, see a McDonald’s and go bold as brass and order the whole breakfast menu at 5am. The same thing happened at the next stop but this time in Starbucks. Brioche and crepes and fruit in the car, but the temptation to hand over £3.50 to Starbucks for some grapes and one piece of pineapple is just too strong. The car snacks are now sitting in a cupboard sad and alone and wondering what they did wrong. Take all my money Starbucks. Just take it. FFS.
2) if you’ve never driven through the Scottish highlands, particularly around the Glencoe national park region, do it before you die. It’s absolutely amazing. It’s easy to feel like you are the only people in the world and no other cars exist. During this period of silently reflecting on life and wondering if there are views sexier than the mountains and frozen lochs comes a nice quote from a friend: ‘I mean England is really fucking nice isn’t it. Who even knew?’ Obviously followed up from another friend with ‘we left England 6 hours ago.’ Who even knew? Certainly not Dan. (Also just look at this view, like omg)
3) 12 hours on the road, lots of stretching, power naps, hunger, desperate toilet breaks and accidentally going into a hospital carpark in Glasgow. This is certainly enough time to lose your wits slightly and begin just saying words and doing things without applying logic. On one brief stop to admire yet another incredible view, we gained company. A middle aged couple taking pictures on an DSLR were treated to one friend standing on a cliff edge shovelling snow into her mouth while staring into the abyss, and by a conversation that began ‘I might leave something here. Like when I left my umbrella at Auschwitz.’ This whole thing culminated with snow-eating friend falling over and another asking if there were floating tennis courts on the loch below when actually it was a tree. (She also today mistook a large rock as a whale. So you know, life) safe to say this couple were slightly disturbed and properly full of regret at their choice of photography stop.
Scotland touring is going well.