The green-eyed monster is ugly. It rears its head and floods our emotions, opening the gates for lots of other horrible feelings like bitterness and anxiety. It’s perhaps at its worse when you’re jealous of those you want to be happiest and most supportive of but you’re literally blinded by negativity. WHY ISN’T THIS HAPPENING TO ME? Frenvy. Sound familiar? I’m sure it does. Your friends achieve something amazing like weight loss, get a dream job, go off on a big adventure or just seem to have the life you’re trying and failing to live. Being jealous of your friends, even your best friends, is so easy I think it has to be forgiven. It would be completely wonderful if good things could happen to all of your friends at once and you could all go out on a big celebratory night and be on the same level, with the same things on the horizon, right? Probably not. I’m sure there would still be space to be jealous, we would just be jealous of other things, probably pettier, smaller, more insignificant things.
Jealousy can do all sorts of nasty work once it takes hold. The most important lesson jealousy has ever taught me though, is that you have to channel it into something better, bigger and a million times more positive. You basically have to grit your teeth and think more about yourself and what you can do to make you feel better. I bet Beyonce didn’t get where she is today worrying about what her mates are up to and if they’re earning more money (unlikely) or going on more holidays (unlikely) than she is.
Our friends are our happy places. They’re shoulders to cry on, ears to confide in, partners to drink with, groups to go on ironic tequila fuelled holidays with and people we choose to share our lives with. They also set the bar when it comes to goals. If your friends are moving out or planning on going travelling or even starting to write books or taking up yoga, then we have to get a move on too. Who wants to be the mate that’s at home sulking and doing nothing proactive to improve life? Do whatever you have to do for you. Excuse the preaching.
Don’t let jealousy make you snappy or anxious and generally a grumpy pain to be around. Surely letting it fuel whatever you want to do can only make you more determined. I think most people would be lying if they said they’ve never been jealous of a friend. I have, like all the time. But actually, it’s being jealous and realising I’m slacking that’s helped me do things I would probably still be miserable about not doing. Who cares if it isn’t the same as your friend who just landed a high-paying dream job or your friend who’s getting more toned and model-esque by the week. Different experiences and different careers make friendship groups interesting. There’s nothing wrong with a little competitiveness if it helps you reach your goals faster.
Let frenvy fuel your fire, not put it out.